Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Floor bacon is actually really good
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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