my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
