the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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