so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize