There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
