Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
