I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
FUCK WHALES
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
