the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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