I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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