I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
