my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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