Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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