k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
