i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
