Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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