It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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