Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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