he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
