One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
