Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
