I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
