I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize