I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
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