he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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