yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
