If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
