So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
