K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
