Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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