u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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