I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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