she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize