I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
