Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
