Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Its about making memories worth repressing
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
