I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Randomize
