I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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