Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
