I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
