she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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