1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
You ruined the universe
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
