The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
