I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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