Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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