i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Randomize
