Pappa wants mamma naked
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
