that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
