Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I'm always down for nudity.
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