good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
