I wannas sexs uuuuu
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
