She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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