i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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