I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
