why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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