I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
