Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
