Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
