There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
