I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
