its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
