i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
