I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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