if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
