i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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