I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
