I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
