weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize