somebody snuck up and got me drunk
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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