Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
