You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
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