will power is for people who don't want to get laid
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Dicks are not precious.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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